I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
