I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
