All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
