I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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