did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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