Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
