My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
