and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
did you just send me my own nude
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize