So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
