my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
