I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
