I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
