Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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