i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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