So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
