I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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