so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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