i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
a search helicopter?!
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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