I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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