Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
