Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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