Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize