My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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