i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't deserve a penis
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
