I met the friendliest cop last night
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
