Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
