you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
