I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
