I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize