Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
