do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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