it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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