Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
