I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
