Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
