Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
