OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just tell him i said nine months
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
