im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
