Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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