im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize