GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
