Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
