I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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