Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The air was thick with penises
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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