He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I have aggressive nipples.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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