What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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