You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
