we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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