Yo dont text me then not text me
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize