I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
