You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
