I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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