dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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