also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
why do cheetos always look like penises
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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