The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
My vagina just recognized that song.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
