Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
