I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
