OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
