i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
