I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
