I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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