Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
