ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
