Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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