i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
